The Artist with Many hats…..

Nov 9

Hello there, you beautiful soul you!,

Welcome to my very first little Art studio diary/blog.
This is where I will bare my soul, my creative wins, my artistic struggles, the stages along my journey as my creative pursuits blossom and grow to their nurtured potential. I welcome you with open arms, grab a coffee or tea and have a seat in my studio with me. Thank you for being among the firsts to pop by and read the writings of a creative, neurodiverse artist mama! I appreciate you.

So, as you may know artists are often a one person show. We are not only the artist creating the beautiful paintings and drawings that you love and enjoy, but we are also the web designer, brand and shop manager, customer service, shipping and handling department, marketing, graphic designer, project manager, student, the restocker, and content creator, as well as our normal everyday titles (mom, housekeeper, wife/spouse etc). Every day we must change our hats frequently and wear multiple hats balanced at the same time. Its a struggle starting up a creative career in my mid 30s as a stay at home mom of two young kids. I am pushing myself daily to work on something , anything to improve my business, my creative skills, content creation, my confidence or my business skills and mindset. I wish that I could just paint all day but with the long list of responsibilities and tasks of a modern day artist starting up a business from scratch, there is so much more that goes on behind the scenes. I do tend to overwhelm myself between learning new things ( I am neurodivergent), managing the details of getting this started without further excuses and self made obstacles preventing me from being vulnerable and visible. But here I am allowing myself more freedoms and grace, showing up for myself and laying out my vulnerability and my creative heart on the table for whomever stops by to say hello and admire the heartwork that I share.

I have been delving into creating more personal works again now that I have completed my commission list. The newest piece on my easel is an exploration of a grayscale underpainting in acrylic to experiment with using more of an oil color glazing technique on top, keeping the layers thinner and with minimal texture. I am allowing myself more ease to focus on strengthen my value and depth skills with minimal focus on “perfect color mixing”, as an artist, I like many of my peers am too self critical and have a vision of the level that I want/expect to be at, and when something that I am working on doesn’t meet my standards I set it aside until I feel ready to pick it back up and try again.

I am working though my anxiety of being perceived, because lets face it as an artist these days many artists can no longer succeed without showing themselves or doing voice overs with their content. 2024 and going into 2025 is a time for bravery, confidence and self discovery. This year I have been taking the small steps towards getting my art business set up and creating more often ( gradually increasing and learning more as I go). Life has been changing, my children are growing faster than I am blinking it seems and my oldest has started kindergarten this year. Since he is now in school I have had to recently relearn how to drive after many years of not doing so, due to various obstacles that prevented me and severe driving anxiety. I am happy to say that I am doing alright with it and taking it day by day, but I am extremely proud of myself for accomplishing something that I thought I would never be able to overcome. Along with the overcoming fears and anxiety of driving, I have been trying to create more content (even if I dont end up posting it, I am still counting it as practice) and get over the fears of being perceived and cringey because really who cares! I am an artist, I am weird and that is perfectly ok and SAFE for me to be myself. If I am being judged then that person is not my intended audience, or community and their perception of me is really none of my business.

In my goal of making progress little by little, being even only 2% better week by week still adds up, Ive learned that not all growth can be measured and that it is ok if it is not visible growth. As mindset shifts, gaining of knowledge, or earning the confidence that I have felt so behind in have just as much merit and value to me as a measurable and perceivable growth does. I’ve been working to edit more reels, repurposing older clips (its not sustainable to only post when I have new work created), and beginning to delve into the world of you tube, starting out with short form content to dip my toes into. I have been focusing here and there on sprucing up and making my website more functional as well as working on the online store to get it open soon.

I had put myself on hold for too long, as I kept telling myself that I couldnt yet do youtube, or my art store etc as I was missing the fancy camera and vlogging gear, or an expensive printer to do luxury archival art prints. But Ive told myself that I do not need everything “perfect” or “ready” to just start, I have given myself the permission to figure it out as I go along instead. Getting started is the hardest part, but I am giving myself more understanding and patience.

If you got through this far, thank you for honoring me and taking a moment to read my first blog post. I appreciate you. Thank you for your patience and support as I sort through my “many hats”, I love what I do and I am so proud to be standing where I am even if its not far enough yet .

~ Torrie

Artist| Mother| Day Dreamer| Content Creator